I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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