I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
