forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
