How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
