the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
