Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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