I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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