You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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