Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
