Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
