I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
