used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
