you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
