I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
