Pregnant stripper...not hot.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
