Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so explain again why im purple
no
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
