you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
