I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
