just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
