So drunk its hurt
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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