Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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