Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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