you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
