You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
