I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
