dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
