I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
