New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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