they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
