i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
