I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
