I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
