shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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