You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
