So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
