The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
