She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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