The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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