They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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