I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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