did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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