I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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