K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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