I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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