i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
