Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
