my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
