best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
