There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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