btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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