My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
