I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My vagina just clenched in fear
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
