i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
There are leaves in my underwear?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
