the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
