I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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