Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
