just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
send nudes
from the living room?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
