I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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