You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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