I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
